I am one of four siblings, the youngest, and my elder brother Jerry started us off with a beautiful memory of Mom starting in Jersey City and then to Port Monmouth. Jerry's comments about how much Mom loved music and especially live music really enlightened me, being the incredible music enthusiast I am. Jerry talked about how easy going Mom was, how welcoming of his friends, and also how embracing of all types of music Mom was. She obviously loved Frank Sinatra, and saw him with Doris Lee as teenagers at Lincoln High School in Jersey City!!! But well beyond that Jerry mentioned music of all sorts, including her enjoying Jimi Hendrix when Jerry brought him into the house. and , also, when Jerry told Mom he was going to Woodstock Mom said "be careful" and blessed the trip. She was cool way back then.
Jerry told the rabbit story. Jerry caught a bunny rabbit in Port Monmouth (we lived on 8 Campbell Avenue!) and for storage that night he put the rabbit in a big upright freezer chest and closed it before he went to bed. The next morning the freezer chest was knocked over and Mom said the Mother Rabbit had come and knocked over the freezer chest to get her baby out. in 2010 Jerry asked mom what the truth was about the rabbit and the chest. she stood by her story, "must have been the mother rabbit". Jerry was eloquent and captured mom perfectly, and I am so glad he spoke. For me, of course, I was going to speak if i could speak. Losing your mother or father, whoever you are, is very emotionally impacting and draining. and now that i've gone through it once with some awareness (my father died of cancer in 1988, although at the time i didn't actually think he was in the hospital to die, but he was) or suddenly, as in Mom's case, with no warning, it doesn't matter. it drains and challenges you, all the while you think of the blessings. that is what i tried to think of below.
GOOD MORNING AND THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE--
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
WERE AT CAMY AND MIKE'S WEDDING AND WONDERING IF THIS WILL BE AS
SHORT A SPEECH AS THAT ONE WAS, IT WILL NOT BE –
WE ALL HAVE MOTHERS, SO PERHAPS SOME OF MY COMMENTS WILL REMIND
YOU OF YOURS, AND IF IT DOES THAT AT A MINIMUM, WELL, THAT IS A GOOD THING.
SOME OF US HAVE ALREADY LOST OUR MOM'S AND OUR DAD'S, AND I GIVE
THIS REMEMBRANCE IN HONOR OF ALL THE MOTHERS AND FATHERS, LIVING AND PASSED,
ESPECIALLY THOSE THAT SURROUNDED ME AND MY FRIENDS DURING OUR UPBRINGING HERE
IN TOMS RIVER. I ALSO EXTEND MY SHARED SYMPATHY WITH SCOTT &
PAUL METZGER, AND THEIR FAMILIES, IN ACKNOWLEDGING THE PASSING OF THEIR
MOM SUZANNE, MY SISTER-IN-LAW AND LIZ'S SISTER.
SO FITTING THAT WE ARE HERE AT ST. JOSEPHS'S, B/C MANY OF
THE LESSONS I LEARNED FROM MY MOM HAPPENED WITHIN EARSHOT OF RIGHT HERE.
I'M SURE MY SHORT COMMENTS APPLY TO MY BROTHERS AND SISTER AS
WELL, BUT JERRY, ALICEMARIE AND BOBBY WERE THE OLDER SIBLINGS, AND I
WAS THE BABY, SO BY THE TIME SHE GOT TO ME SHE HAD TRIED AND TESTED METHODS.
LETS JUST SAY I GAVE MOM A RUN FOR HER MONEY. AND SHE
INSPIRED ME TO MAKE SURE I HAD SOME MONEY OF MY OWN. BUT SHE
WAS DETERMINED IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM THAT I WOULD GET AND LEARN
THE MESSAGES SHE WAS SENDING. PP BREATHE
MOM CAME FROM HUMBLE BEGINNINGS, BUT I NEVER KNEW THAT. I
NEVER GAVE OUR MEANS OR BEGINNINGS ANY THOUGHT, AS MY MOM'S HAPPY DISPOSITION
AND TRUST AND FAITH IN BOTH PEOPLE AND GOD MADE IT SEEM LIKE THERE WASN'T A
CONCERN IN THE WORLD, EVEN PAYING THE RENT. GOD WOULD PROVIDE, AND A
LITTLE PRAYING TO THAT SPECIAL SAINT FOR YOUR NEED DIDN'T HURT EITHER. 1
MY MOM TAUGHT ME SO MANY THINGS, BUT IT WAS THE
WAY SHE TAUGHT THEM THAT STICKS WITH ME TODAY..
A few examples.
MY MOM TAUGHT ME THE PRINCIPLES OF JESUS; TO BE A GOOD PERSON,
TO BE HONEST, TO BE TRUTHFUL, TO CARE FOR OTHERS, AND TO HELP THOSE IN NEED,
AND IT SEEMED LIKE HER FAVORITE CLASSROOM WAS THE ACME SUPERMARKET RIGHT UP THE
BLOCK FROM HERE [ NOW A WAWA] , AT LEAST FOR ME, THE BABY OF THE FAMILY.
SO, AT THE ACME I WAS TAUGHT TO HELP ELDERLY LADIES WITH THEIR
GROCERIES, I WAS SENT BACK IN WITH THE MONEY WHEN MY MOM RECEIVED "TOO MUCH" CHANGE,
THEN WE WOULD DRIVE OFF TO HOME AND SHE WOULD STOP THE CAR
BECAUSE SHE SAW AN ELDERLY WOMAN ABOUT TO CROSS THE STREET ON HOOPER AVENUE ---AND
TELL ME TO GO HELP THAT NICE PERSON CROSS THE STREET--- WHICH I PROMPTLY DID
BECAUSE I KNEW MY MOM WAS SO GOOD TO ME AND I WANTED TO MAKE AND KEEP HER
HAPPY.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME THE MEANING OF YES, AND MOST ESPECIALLY OF
NO.
MY BEST ILLUSTRATION IS THE "CANDY" STORY.
NOW I REMIND YOU I WAS A QUICK LEARNER, BUT I
WAS OCCASSIONALLY IN NEED OF REINFORCEMENT.
SO WE ARE AT THE CHECKOUT COUNTER AT THE ACME, CIRCA 1965, AND I
TELL MOM I'D LIKE SOME CANDY AND MOM SAID "NO"!
WELL, WE GO THROUGH CHECKOUT AND HELPING WITH THE BAGS INTO
THE CAR AND I GET IN THE BACK SEAT AND MOM'S GETTING READY TO DRIVE
AWAY. SHE LOOKS IN THE MIRROR AND SEES ME CHEWING ON CANDY
AND, WELL, BY 1965 HELEN THEES
STANDARDS, ALL “H” “NO CURSING” BREAKS LOSE. CAR
BACK IN PARKING SPOT. MOM OUTSIDE, ME OUTSIDE, ME BEING LEAD BY MY
EAR BACK INSIDE THE ACME, BACK TO THE CASHIER, MOM INSISTS THEY GET THE
MANAGER, AND IT IS CLEAR TO ME THAT I AM GOING TO JAIL, THE SLAMMER, AT AGE 5.
2
WELL, I PUT THE CANDY ON THE COUNTER, MOM PAYS FOR THE CANDY, I
APOLOGIZE TO THE CASHIER AND TO
THE MANAGER AND THEN WE LEAVE AND SHE LEAVES THE CANDY TOO AFTER PAYING FOR
IT!!!
SO THAT IS THE MEANING OF NO
TO ME.
ALL THIS AT A FOODSTORE!!! I CAN ONLY IMAGINE ALL THE
THINGS OUR DAD DID, BECAUSE HE WORKED AT A FOODSTORE ALL DAY LONG AND
I JUST VISITED A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK!!!
PP
BREATHE
SPEAKING OF WORK, MY MOM TAUGHT ME THAT WORK WAS A PRIVILEGE,
AND A GOOD THING, AND SHE TAUGHT ME THAT
BY TEACHING ME ABOUT FREEDOM.
YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE FREEDOM YOU WANT, IF YOU DO YOUR
CHORES. NO, I WILL NOT BUY YOU THAT NEW BICYCLE, BUT IF YOU SAVE YOUR
MONEY FROM YOUR PAPER ROUTE YOU CAN GET IT. SO, YES, SHE TAUGHT ME FRUGALITY
TOO.
FREEDOM—IT WAS PRETTY SIMPLE---WORK WAS EXPECTED AND EMBRACED,
IN EXCHANGE FOR FREEDOM. YOU WANT TO GO PLAY BASEBALL, FOOTBALL,
PLAY IN THE SAND PITS WITH YOUR MINIBIKE THAT YOUR WORK PAID FOR, ALL THAT WAS
POSSIBLE IF YOU DID YOUR WORK.
INCLUDING, OF COURSE, YOUR SCHOOLWORK, MOST
IMPORTANTLY.
__MY MOM
DIDN'T JUST ASK, SHE LEAD BY EXAMPLE. SO AS THE OTHER KIDS GOT OLDER MY
MOM HAD MULTIPLE JOBS, INCLUDING 10 YEARS ON THE FACTORY LINE WITH HER FRIENDS
AT FLUID PACKAGING. AND OF COURSE WHEN I WAS FINISHED WITH MY DAY SHE WAS
STILL WORKING---SO JUST DOWN THE ROAD AFTER TOMS RIVER LITTLE INDIANS FOOTBALL
PRACTICE, WHICH WAS EVERY NIGHT FROM 6-8:30PM, I'D WALK DOWN TO THE JERSEY
SHORE SAVINGS & LOAN, AND BE READY TO GO HOME ONCE MY MOM WAS FINISHED
CLEANING THAT GIANT BANK.
PP
BREATHE 3
LASTLY, BUT NOT LEAST, MY MOM TAUGHT MY SIBLINGS AND ME ABOUT
LOVE.
NOW, TO BE CLEAR, THIS LESSON WAS A BIT MORE
WIDESPREAD SO SHE DIDN'T JUST TEACH ME LOVE AT THE ACME FOODMARKET.
SHE TAUGHT ME LOVE IN HOW SHE LIVED, EVERYWHERE.
1)FIRST, SHE CARED FOR HER MOM, MY NANNI, IN OUR
HOME.
2) SHE WELCOMED MY FRIEND BILLY INTO SMALL
APARTMENT AFTER HIS DAD DIED AND THE REST OF HIS FAMILY WAS MOVING
AWAY. OH, AND SHE AND MY DAD INFORMED ME THAT THEY WOULD TAKE THE SMALLER
ROOM AND BILLY AND I WOULD SHARE THE LARGER ONE.
3) SHE TAUGHT ME LOVE IN HOW SHE CARED AND
TOOK CARE OF MY DAD, AND I MEAN BEFORE HE GOT SICK. I MEAN EVERY DAY OF
THEIR LIVES TOGETHER.
SHE WAS SELFLESS AND HUMBLE, EVERY DAY. YET, SOMEHOW SHE
INSURED THAT I KNEW HOW TO DREAM
, AND DREAM BIG.
SHE TAUGHT ME LOVE IN THE PURE JOY SHE SHOWED OF BEING WITH
FRIENDS, LOVED ONES, FAMILY. GRANDCHILDREN AND GREAT GRANDCHILDREN.
THEN, AFTER ALL THAT, SHE
MOVED TO FLORIDA.. WARM WEATHER FOREVER~!!!!
PP BREATHE
MOM WOULD VISIT YEARLY FOR AL
AND NOW TRACEY'S DANCE RECITAL. BUT, FOR THE MOST PART, WE WOULD
ALL NOW HAVE A REASON TO GO TO FLORIDA. And, ALICEMARIE, YOUR BROTHERS
THANK YOU FOR WE KNOW YOU TOOK CARE OF MOM AND SHE OF YOU.
MOM WOULD BE TALKED INTO JOINING US AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS ON
CRUISES, HAWAII, GRAND CAYMANS, PUERTO RICO AND OF COURSE DISNEY
WORLD AND FINALLY HELEN'S 85TH BIRTHDAY DISNEY CRUISE.
BUT WE GOT MOM BACK TO NEW JERSEY FOR ONE WINTER, AND MOST OF US
CELEBRATED CHRISTMAS 2010 IN NJ. THE NEXT DAY, AS YOU WILL RECALL, WE GOT
3 FEET OF SNOW AND IT DIDN'T MELT TILL MARCH. 4
SO, HERE WE ARE 53 YEARS AFTER MY BIRTH AND 86 YEARS AFTER
HELEN'S, AND I WOULD SUGGEST TO YOU THIS IS HOW SHE PLANNED IT. HELEN
LIVED A LONG, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY LIFE, AND CERTAINLY WE HAD MANY MORE PLANS FOR
HER. BUT SHE AND GOD HAVE SAID OTHERWISE.
AS BOB DYLAN SAYS--
“TIME IS A JET PLANE, IT MOVES TOO FAST-
OH, BUT WHAT A SHAME, THAT ALL WE SHARED CAN'T LAST”
But as Fr. Kevin said, it does last, inside of each of us, forever.
I'VE SELECTED THE PRAYER I LOVE BY "ST THERESE (AVILA) FOR ALL OF US AS WE REFLECT ON MOM'S LIFE, HER LEGACY: I
THINK CAPTURES WELL HOW MOM LIVED HER LIFE, AND WHAT SHE , IN ALL HER WISDOM,
WAS SAYING TO ME ALL THOSE YEARS-. I
SHARE IT WITH YOU SO YOU CAN BE REMINDED OF HER.
Saint Therese's Prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to
be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of
faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the
love that has been given to you.
May you be confident knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul
the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.
THANK YOU AGAIN FOR JOINING US TODAY 5
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