Could you imagine me not having gone to GTown?
I guess I can, but I haven't thought much about it--
This one is about people-- people who've impacted me, and for you to think about and make sure you know the people who've impacted you-- and sent you off in a direction of aspiration and motivation that you never quite appreciate-- till you think about where you are and how you got there and you realize IT WASN'T ALL YOU!!!!! It certainly wasn't, and isn't, all me---.
It was luck, fortune, fate, and at the right moments in time it was SOMEONE-- coming out of their world and entering mine with a selfless, giving heart!!
I'm remembering moments, and I don't think there are many who know or have heard these thoughts-- so I hope my kids like them and hope the rest of you enjoy, and perhaps take time to reflect on your own story and your own Camino.
Okay, so I pretty much grew up winning-- and that had to be pure luck!!!! It wasn't MY skill. My first two baseball teams lost a total of like 3 games in two years. I was 8 and 9 years old, and there was this new baseball pit near what I thought were the trash dumps in Toms River, but maybe they weren't dumps-- I don't remember.
I do remember the first game we lost, and the part I played. I was 8 yrs old on a 8/9/maybe young 10yr old minor league Toms River baseball league. It was the playoffs, and we were the team to beat, and Coach Issacson was a nice man with a large nose, and very soft spoken. We had practice twice a week, and now we were going to WIN the PENNANT. We had the coach's son, Fred, the Potter brothers, other's I can't recall.
I'm in left field and it must be the bottom of the sixth inning, and we are winning 1-0, and there's a man on first. And sure enough, the other team's big hitter is up and he hit's it--YOU GUESSED IT---right near me in left field. I remember seeing it off the bat, and the next thing I remember is that ball sailing right past my head NOT in my glove, and rolling to the fence behind me. And by the time I turn around with the ball the game is over and we've lost, and all I can think of -it's my fault-- because it pretty much is. Coach Issacson-- I remember one other thing about him-- he wasn't that tall, because I was 8 and he wasn't much taller than I was---why do I remember? Because when I walked into the dugout afterward he put his hand on my shoulder, and in his softspoken way, just said I'd do better next time.
I remember all that--and it was the biggest game of the year and we lost and I went home feeling okay because of Coach Issacson, and how he took the time to let me know it was okay. It wasn't good, but it was okay.
And I'm thinking that it wasn't that big a deal, but at the time THIS was my life!!!!!! It wasn't quite like John Thompson hugging Freddy Brown after he threw the game NCAA BBALL winning assist to James Worthy of North Carolina instead of Sleepy Floyd, his teammate, but thinking back on it it was close. And I'm very thankful that I had Coach Issacson!!! Because not everyone is like that. We went on to win the pennant that year, and we won the next year too when I was older and moved to catcher from the outfield. I learned a lot from those winning days, and I got used to it.
My coaches always seemed to expect to win when I was young, and so did we- the kids.
I remember Coach Applegate, and Coach Guetter and Coach Bisagno from the Toms River Little Indians---
I remember their way of teaching, of coaching, and of their focus on our doing drills-- we practiced every night from 6-8pm M-F, and we had games on Sunday. I remember, since we were the "Indians" that Coach Applegate had this spear-- and every game we would put the colors of the team we beat on the spear--UNTIL, once, WE LOST!!! And we didn't know what he was going to do. Well, the next game, before the game, he showed us the spear, and he showed us that he put a black tape band on the spear for that lost game (it was Ocean Township, 6-0 loss), and he told us he threw the tape away because we wouldn't be needing anymore black marks on the spear. And we didn't-- and I got my first of a few TR Little Indians Championship jackets.
My parents taught me to say please and thank you, my coaches taught me to say Yes Sir!!! and No Sir!!! And they all taught me to have appropriate respect-- earned respect--for everyone. Elderly people deserved it just because, and so did coaches. And so did shopkeepers.
Why? Mom and dad had a few simple rules-- don't cheat, don't lie, don't steal, and don't curse (and calling people names was cursing too, especially minorities, but I never heard that word "minorities" growing up). And I never heard my mom or dad curse. And when we went to one house in particular my mom would tell me to "close my ears" when Mr. Xyz talks, because every other word was a bad one. And we didn't go there except because my sister was dating their son. The current version is "ear muffs"!!!.
Oh, and one more rule---- Always help ladies with the groceries--and NEVER accept anything for it. Simple, yes, but occasionally I needed to learn a bit more clearly.
Like when I was around 5 yrs old and I wanted the candy at the Acme near St. Joe's, and my Mom said NO. Well, I'm in the car, and my mom looks in the rearview and see's me chewing something....... !!!!! Car door open, Mom out, me out, we are now walking back inside the Acme and my mom is finding a manager and I'm going to JAIL!!!! JAIL and REFORM SCHOOL and my life is OVER!!! And all I wanted was some CANDY. Candy out of mouth and in garbage, pockets open, candy back on counter, apologies to the manager, then to the cashier; apologies to cashier; my head can't GET far enough under my shirt, and then my mom PAYS for the candy we are leaving in the store. BOY, do I rememeber that one.
Okay, so occasionally the high school football coach would show up, Coach Signo.... And we would listen to him talk about how we were doing etc.
And we keep winning-- and now it's eighth grade and we are in the Shore Conference Finals, against Matawan and it's 22-6 at the half and we're winning-- I know because I am at my older brother's wedding, missing the first game of my life because my mom said this wedding (my brother's)was more important. Well, I was glad I could get the halftime score, as this wedding was good food but if I had my way (which I have learned I don't always get, but mostly) I would have gone to the game!!!!..... The FINAL??? WE LOST-- I don't know how, but we lost 24-22, and at the dinner we got runner-up and division champ jackets, not SC Champs. And Coach Bisagno says some nice things about me being a nice kid because I'm still sir'ing everybody yes sir here and no sir there-- and I'm still doing it when I'm 14 not just when we were 8. He says because I am the only kid on the team that is going to St Joe's (all the other kids that are going to St. Joe's play for the St Joe's Angels, but once I started at TR Indians they said I couldn't switch). And he says he doesn't know what they teach at St. Joe's, but he says it must be good based on me. Me, I'm just following the simple rules set by my mom and dad, sprinkled in with the sir's I'm calling everybody.
And now we're freshman, we have 21 kids on our team, the 21 Club we're called, because we are 4-0 and no one can see how some shrimps (that's what we aggregately weigh) can be beating these Group 4 public schools. We'll for one we have a quarterback who can throw a mile--which would be a lot of fun for me now that I've moved off the line and am a receiver.
But here we are down 6-0 at the half on a field next to railroad tracks in a town called Red Bank, where I was born. And the smart guy (okay, we were all pretty smart) says-- they're bigger, they're faster, they're stronger--- let's go out and "kill" them the second half--- and we try-- but we lose our first game, 12-0.
And Coach FIACCO (he's the varsity coach) tells us he's proud of us and we keep on going strong the rest of that season.
Sophomore year Coach Fiacco is instructing me in a way you can't do today--- he physically puts his head inside my helmet with me and my head, and he tell's me I'm not doing something correctly and would I mind "adjusting my approach" to the drill and do it correctly. He says it with words that I understand are appropriate in some places, but not others. I don't point out to him my mother's thoughts on these words based on his current enthusiasm for my helmet (mind you, my head is still in it).
I say, naturally, YES SIR!!! He says, emphatically, "and stop SIRing me!!!!
Whew-- he finally left my helmet alone, but I think he got his point across-- As I recall it, the point was "sometimes just put your head down and keep your mouth shut"!!!!! And do what you're told!!!!sometimes!!!
That brings me back to Rutgers/GEORGETOWN AND THE LARGER point to the story--YEAH.
So. These coaches had some big impact in forming my standards and my beliefs--especially in my confidence in my own ability to do anything. But sometimes there is that someone who just comes in at the right time and plays a role they don't EVEN KNOW how big.
Like the SECOND time I didn't get into Georgetown. OHHH-- YOU Don't know about THAT one either!!! Unlike the first time when I got completely rejected, this time I was merely "wait-listed", a permanent state of college purgatory that you just stay in as far as I was concerned. And I was pissed!!!!! I mean, c'mon- nothing but A+'s at Rutgers, good guy and all, and they WAIT-listed me. I was in Seattle, Washington working selling books door-to-door (it's the summer of 1979) because I didn't think I'd make enough money to pay for Georgetown (it was like $7k) working my standard job on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights--- so here I am in Seattle selling my butt off to pay for the school that doesn't even want me, even though the football coach says they do and they're "working" on it.
I'll SHOW THEM, I think-- I'lll just stay at Rutger's and SHOW THEM!!!
And then I get this call, from this guy I really don't know, and his name is Jay Calabrese. Coach Calabrese, who's wife or mother-in-law was from Toms River I think, is calling me with good news.
He is congratulating me because it's late July, 1979 and I've been accepted to the school I was all along thinking I was going to, Georgetown University.
Well, I tell him I kinda already told my Mom I'm not worrying about GTown ANYMORE!!!! And he spends a few, few minutes of his life trying make me understand the pivotal moment I am AT in my own.
Let me REPEAT that--
"He spends a few minutes in his life trying to make me understand the pivotal moment I am at IN MY LIFE"
Little did I know....
Aka-- going back to my "forgiveness" or "moving on" theme-- this is one of those moments where I am thankful that I decided to get off the "high horse" I was on, and MOVE ON. And I called Coach Calabrese back the next day, and I said thank you to him, and told him I look forward to playing for him and Coach Glacken at Georgetown.
HOW BIG were those minutes from Coach Calabrese?
Let's just say that I had never heard of Wall Street in Toms River!! Or at Rutgers.. We never wanted for anything that I was aware of when
I was growing up, but my parents didn't own a home let alone stocks.
And so sure enough, Coach Jay Calabrese said enough that day to convince me I had to give GTown a shot---and it didn't seem that big at the time---
But, to be clear, it WAS, and is, one of the key moments in my life. Because I DID find Wall Street and the job I loved, I did GO to the school I was meant to be at, and I did get to say "YES Sir" a few more years on the football field.
And of all the people who might have had a small impact on that, I know the one person who had a HUGE impact--Coach Jay C. And I told him so in person, but also in a letter about 7 years ago.
And many other people, and many other stories, have impacted my life in big ways too. Some REALLY big and important people with names you'd recognize from the news of the state and the world. And some who are colleagues and have just been incredible friends.
But in final measure of the state of affairs up till today, those "unknown but to me" people, like my mom and dad, Coach Issacson, the football coaches when I was young, Coach Fiac!!, these people had such a huge impact --NOT ONLY on the where I am today and I cannot imagine where I'd be without them, but ALSO WHAT I AM and WHAT I'd be without them.
I cannot imagine if Jay Calabrese had simply said "okay Tom, good luck at Rutger's" and had a one minute phone call and went back to his life and his family and his kids--- Instead of what he did say and the 15 minutes he spent trying to make me understand where I was and where I had the chance to be going. PODUNK Catholic high school in Toms River, NJ--YO, buddy, WAKE UP!!!!---
And I almost, almost missed it.
And so this morning on the Camino I am remembering that ball sailing past my head, my Mother taking me back to the Acme, Coach Fiacco inside my helmet with me, and Coach Jay Calabrese talking me down from my high horse. And so many more people that have positively with their time impacted me and mine. And this was just up to age 19!!!!!
I am thankful to all of them, and have, for the most part, told them, directly, just that. Some, like Jay, I write a long letter (and you know I can write LONG!!!) to so they really, really know (because how can YOU know unless someone tells you--you always hope, but you never KNOW).
And, fortunately for you reading this, I've got miles to go so I'll leave it here, and go back to my original point--- take a moment to reflect on those pivotal moments-- and who impacted you---- maybe even do a little writing of your own on it-- and share it if you choose
From another plain in the Meseta's
Peace
TT
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
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