From the halftime locker room talk with 'myself'

Somewhere on the path, this funny thought started hitting me---

let me digress--
As my feet, in fact every bone within each foot, including bones I didn't know I had!!!, well these bones we're SCREAMING as I stepped one foot to the other, on gravel, embedded rock, rockbed, loose gravel, pebbles, etc, you get the picture--the Calzada Romana, as it is infamously called.
Did it, just like the Romans!!!

This is a walk, but for warmup's I walked the boardwalk and the beach, specifically Long Branch or from Manasquan to Belmar and back. You KNOW, Jersey walks. The difference here is there is NO boardwalk path, and there is no soft, beach sand.

So, back to my thought--
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, beyond halfway, all alone with one pilgrim in sight (so about 1 mile away) I started to ask myself where in the hell did I get this CRAZY idea anyway.

I'm thinking about who I've met, and I'm noticing not ONE American who is doing the whole trip (I've met three, the Arizona woman who walked for 5 days, and the California couple who now live in Spain and were walking for a few days for "fun").

WHAT am I doing walking 500 miles, staying in shared bedrooms and taking showers with water that auto-shut offs, and sleeping in buildings with NO heat. Oh yeah, with TOTAL stranger, most of whom can't understand me and visa versa!!!!! I've spent the equivalent of one night's hotel room cost for this trip in total, and it's been THREE WEEKS.!!!!! THIS WAS and IS an ABSOLUTELY WILD and CRAZY thing. WHAT am I doing HERE?????

I take some time to ponder this thought as negative undertones are starting to surface.

I'm thinking--- WHAT AM I trying to prove? There is no medal at the end of this trip like when I finished the NYC Marathon (or Boston, San Diego Rock'n'Roll etc).

Where am I taking this "accomplishment"? Which most people on the planet (including me until 3 months ago) haven't ever heard of!!!! There is no GATORADE in Spain as far as I can tell!!!!! Nobody sponsoring me for even a cup of cafe con leche!!! Where's the GLORY in this walk?????????

So all this gets me thinking!!! Lots of thinking--- and I'm pleased to have the challenge (it's kinda like that angel/devil in the ear thing again), as there is nothing, NOTHING at all to stop me from pulling up to the 5 star hotel, pulling out "the credit card that shall not be named", and book myself the first class flight home I deserve.

I can choose that path, or stay on this one.

WE ALL CAN---choose our path--- every day!!!!!!

Well, this thinking has reminded me to continue to evolve the WHY I AM HERE, both on the Camino and in life.

I am on this Camino because it CALLED ME--- the whole thing just spoke to me as a "TOM, YOU NEED TO GO DO THIS--NOW!!!! And I listened.

The "why" I need to do this is less clear, but becoming clearer day by day.

Frankly, I don't think I will be going home the same person that I was arriving. I mean, I'll be lighter!!!! And smaller!!!! For starters!!!

But well beyond that, I feel different. Like nothing, NOTHING could STOP me from finishing this CAMINO---and I am MORE PREPARED to end my sabbatical and pursue the path that opens up.

And I've still got MILES to go!!!!!

But I'm feeling that I'm in the right place and this is the right time (and my wife gave me permission, so THERE) and THIS is still feeling like the perfect event I was meant to do to explore where I've been and to prepare me for WHERE I am going--in all respects.

So, no new flight bookings for me---

Okay, so that "prayer" the Jesus (pronounced 'hey-sus') the priest handed me and Simona--- I had that translated so I could understand it as I knew there would be something in there for me given JESUS gave it to me ( not to be confused with the SON of GOD, but one can't be too sure, and as Tom S says, why not?!!!!)--- so this prayer is a historic prayer and goes through all the reasons why one is NOT here (like NOT FOR the landscape, Cathedrals, not the Rioja wine, palaces or castles and more,)

Well, THE PRAYER said it was unexplainable WHY I was called here, it was just a HIGHER calling---

And that makes me feel really good that I wrote most of the above before I "knew" what the prayer said, and now that I do know, I AGREE---

It is not for words why the heck I'm here--- if I were a rational, "calculating in all aspects" man I'd be touting Bertrand Russell mumbo jumbo at you-- but that's not where I am--- I'm a Mother Theresa fan--- a U2 "believe in what has to be believed to be seen" man---I KNOW I'm gonna see a place that "has to be believed to be seen" because I BELIEVE IT!!!!!

I'm in the middle of MY Camino, and I've got a prayer from a "supposed" man named 'Jesus' that says "why I am here is simply because of a "higher calling"-

You know what? That's good enough for me--- might not be for Mr Bertrand Russell, but for me and Mother Theresa it sits just, just fine.

"No se explicara ni yo
Solo el de arriba lo sabo"

Why'd you do the Camino, Tom? You know, where do you go in the states to sign up for a month long-plus 500+ mile walk where you get to sleep in cold rooms with unknown piglrims-- tell me where I sign up for THAT??? PLEASE??

Simply, for me, BECAUSE IT called me, from above and beyond---

And so far, from below (my feet) and above, all is well!!!!!

With renewed vigor and spirit from just before the biggest city on this walk, Leon, Spain---

Peace
TT
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